I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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