Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
