bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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