You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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