I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
