Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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