they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Randomize
