Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
