i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
