Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
