You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
