He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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