Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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