I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
