You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
