Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
