check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
