Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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