The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
