And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
