What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
