Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
nutella sex= disaster
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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