It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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