hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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