I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
