Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
