great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
