mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
