I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Drunk is a universal language darling
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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