dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
