I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
