no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Someone came in the potted fern
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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