does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
