I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
