Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
