I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i wish my penis had a tongue
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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