Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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