i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
honey bunches of taint.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
