you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
