no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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