i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
