Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
