you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
