I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
