My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
