I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize