Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
