just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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