There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
