Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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