I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have aggressive nipples.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
