Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
