So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
