She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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