You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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