Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Randomize
