So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
