i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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