please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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