I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
