i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
