if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
