Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
