idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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