i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
