Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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