I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
