I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
