youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
