my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
