HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
