they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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