Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The air was thick with penises
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
