It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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