Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
