How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
