I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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