The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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