Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
