Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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